Lately rape has been in the news quite a bit . . .
Congress voted down the Violence Against Women Act.
Jyoti Singh Pandey, the 23 year old med student was brutally gang raped and beaten, days later dying from the event.
Notre Dame University chose not to bench 2 football players after separate allegations of sexual assault and rape, leading to the suicide of one victim.
Two members of Steubenville, Ohio’s high school football team were videoed bragging about taking a girl who had passed out at a party, stripping her, digitally penetrating her (fingering her), and taking her, unconscious, to three other parties where they exposed her body to others, urinated on her and humiliated her.
The boys still got to play . . . .
I think the underlying reason that so many people are willing to use this as an excuse to ‘slut shame’ (she was drinking, out at night, wearing X style of clothing, was dancing, wasn’t a virgin and had it coming) or ‘victim blame’ (she fought back, didn’t fight back, should have done X to avoid the situation) is because rape isn’t generally understood.
Most people believe
the fallacy that
rape is an issue of impulse control.
That rapists can’t control their sexual urges.
That rape is about sex . . .
Rape is about power and control, not sex.
Rape is about taking the power to consent away from the victim, about proving the rapist has more power because they can make you submit to them.
That the rapist is entitled to the victim’s body, to sex,
even to the victim’s life.
I have been lucky. I am 31 years old and have not been the victim of sexual assault or rape. But there is a very real chance that at some point in my life I will be, simply because I’m a woman. My sister and three other friends over the course of my life have been. My daughters, my sons (men are as vulnerable to rape as women but very, very few report it), my wife (she’s at higher risk because she’s transgender), everyone I love has the potential to be a headline.
Or, far more likely, not make the headline.
Prevention isn’t about the victim avoiding being victimized. That hasn’t worked in the past, and isn’t working now.
Rape prevention is about people, men as well as women, working to change the conversation. Parents teaching their sons and daughters that only yes means yes. That being drunk doesn’t equal consent. That no does not mean try harder.
Custador, a fellow blogger who writes at Unreasonable Faith ), has made this pledge in order to help do just that . . .
I think most of us, men and women, can get on board with that.