Nine Years

I wore a medieval gown a generous and talented friend custom made for me. The fabric was (and still is) a soft ivory, but it looks white in every picture. My long, dark hair falls down my back, the front braided (less than symmetrically) by my soon to be sister - in - law, who realized half way through that we should have taken time to practice before the big day. I chose not to wear a veil. The red roses in my hand were a last minute bouquet my soon to be mother - in - law assembled from flowers purchased from Costco just hours before.

The embellished sneakers I wore caught in the aisle runner; the park wouldn’t allow us to anchor it to the grass. My dad was reluctant to let go of my hand.

 But at the end of the aisle stood the only person I had ever loved, had ever wanted, had ever needed.   

We got married in front of the same fountain we had taken prom pictures under.  The Officiate had married most of my family, and although we had talked with her about our beliefs, during the ceremony all of our revisions were forgotten, but the I Do’s were heartfelt. And if we both had happy tears threatening to fall, they only served to make our eyes brighter as we walked back down the aisle together, fingers intertwined.

In the nine years that have come and gone since that joyous afternoon, we have lived with family, had our boys, lived on our own as a family, bought a house, had triplet girls, lived through darkness, had moments of shining happiness. 

The groom I walked to on that day is now my wife.

And we are stronger for it. Our marriage, our partnership, our love is stronger, and deeper for every step we’ve taken together. She is still the only person

 I have ever loved, have ever wanted, have ever needed.

 I now understand why her face is hidden in most of our wedding photos, why so many of her happy smiles were tempered with a trace of sadness. And why she doesn’t look at our old photos anymore. But her smile today is radiant. 

The joy of being who she really is burns so bright she almost glows.

Here’s to walking this path together, fingers and hearts still intertwined;

 to holding onto each other through both the smooth and the rocky.

Happy Anniversary, Beautiful Girl.

I love you.

  

Kid’s Quick, Dirty (and Cheap) Blaster Tutorial

Ok, my last few posts were pretty heavy. I thought I’d get off my soapbox for a bit and show you guys some last minute steampunk blasters I made for my kids.

We live near two great Renaissance Faires and were given some tickets. We had already gone to this faire opening weekend, so Hunny and I decided to take the kids for Steampunk & Time Traveler Weekend. I have been working on my gear for over two years but didn’t have near enough to outfit myself, my Hunny (who decided to wear her medieval garb with just a blaster) and our five hoodlums.

More accessories would be needed.

We only got the tickets a few days ahead, and our budget for anything is always tight, so the day before we went I took a break from the kids and hit the local dollar stores. A few hours (and $15) later I headed home with what I hoped would be enough supplies to give everyone that steampunk touch.

These are the pieces I put together for the kids to wear. The eagle pouch and belt set were for Elroy (he wore a frontier Doctor Who inspired look), the green blaster was for Bam-Bam (he went as a futuristic Indiana Jones type character), and the girls wore their pirate dresses from Halloween (without the jewelry) with one of the small blasters each.

Now, on to the tutorial . . .

I got these mini squirt guns in a three pack on Target’s dollar aisle last summer. They were transparent colored plastic that showed none of the fun (Hunny says Duck Dodgers -esque) detailing. Since paint doesn’t always stick to plastic (and I didn’t want to be constantly repainting them) I wiped each one down with acetone nail polish remover to rough up the surface. These were cheap enough plastic (three for a dollar) that the plastic got cloudy and the paint has stuck no problem. I tried using the acetone on the other squirt guns (both transparent and opaque plastic), but as they were a dollar each, the plastic was of better quality and the acetone didn’t rough up the surface (the paint on these has not stuck near as well and they are already in need of touch ups).

I used my enamel paints for this (because I already had them), but if I had had more time (or a larger budget) I would have probably done a base coat of plastic friendly spray paint and then used the enamel paints for the detail work. The yellow tube gun and muzzle are actually from a ‘ninja blow gun’ I picked up at Dollar Tree (the paint does not like this plastic; these pieces came home from the faire almost entirely yellow again).

Once the base coat was on you can really see how much detail was put into these molds, which I found fairly depressing. Someone had spent a good deal of time on each of these designs; not only are they being sold for next to nothing, they’re being molded in a plastic that makes all that detail invisible. *sigh*

After the base coat, it is simply a matter of deciding which details to use each specific color for (I try not to use more than 3 or 4 colors for any one piece, I prefer a more streamlined look) and painting (and repainting . . . and repainting . . . and touching up) until I liked the look of each one.

But what about the adults, you might ask . . . Hunny decided to be my ‘Companion’ (think Doctor Who, not Firefly) and carried the long muzzled blaster in a holster made out of a piece of cheap belt and a shoe lace (sorry about the focus, this one didn’t want to photograph nicely).

 

 I carried my ray-gun, wore my goggles, and wore this great pouch (found at Harbor Freight for under $20!) filled with dollar store bits.

 

In my kit were the painted out blow gun (2/3 of it anyway), a magnifying glass (I painted the rim copper with brass details), a pair of copper rimmed reading glasses (I got lucky with those, I got a pair for Elroy and just popped the lenses out so he could see, and painted 3 coats of iridescent nail polish on the inside of my pair so they looked like the lenses were made of mica), a plastic caliper from the same tool set as Elroy’s hammer (I repainted the handle, it used to be blue) and screwdriver. I also took a small wooden toy spoon, stained it using dark furniture scratch cover and glued some decorative plastic trim onto it. The trim was actually part of an old ‘viking’ helmet that I had used for another costume a few years ago and hadn’t survived the boys’ closet. I also got all of the decorations on Elroy’s belt pouch from this same helmet trim (I just painted out the pieces for the pouch). I even used one of the horns to make an alien tooth necklace for Bam-Bam’s costume.

Everything else was something we already owned (we keep an extensive set of dress up clothes for the boys as well as the girls, it comes in really handy and since I clearance shop after holidays, I’ve been able to pick most of the pieces up for next to nothing).

We had a good time at the faire. There were some really great steampunk outfits and weapons (one guy had a nerf rifle he had modified onto a 5 foot long bazooka, it still fired). We even got pictures with a guy doing a great 10^th Doctor cosplay (staying in the character you’re dressed as). Since Elroy and I are both fans of the series (since the 2005 reboot), that was a definite highlight. Totally worth the late night putting all the props together the night before.

Anyone else do any cosplay? Feel free to share any tips and tricks in the comments.

Arguing with Myself: Rape Prevention

Lately rape has been in the news quite a bit . . . 

Congress voted down the Violence Against Women Act.

 

Jyoti Singh Pandey, the 23 year old med student was brutally gang raped and beaten, days later dying from the event.

Notre Dame University chose not to bench 2 football players after separate allegations of sexual assault and rape, leading to the suicide of one victim.

Two members of Steubenville, Ohio’s high school football team were videoed bragging about taking a girl who had passed out at a party, stripping her, digitally penetrating her (fingering her), and taking her, unconscious,  to three other parties where they exposed her body to others, urinated on her and humiliated her.

 The boys still got to play . . . . 

I think the underlying reason that so many people are willing to use this as an excuse to ‘slut shame’ (she was drinking, out at night, wearing X style of clothing, was dancing, wasn’t a virgin and had it coming) or ‘victim blame’ (she fought back, didn’t fight back, should have done X to avoid the situation) is because rape isn’t generally understood.

 

Most people believe the fallacy that rape is an issue of impulse control.

That rapists can’t control their sexual urges.

That rape is about sex . . .

Rape is about power and control, not sex.

Rape is about taking the power to consent away from the victim, about proving the rapist has more power because they can make you submit to them.

That the rapist is entitled to the victim’s body, to sex,

even to the victim’s life.

I have been lucky. I am 31 years old and have not been the victim of sexual assault or rape. But there is a very real chance that at some point in my life I will be, simply because I’m a woman. My sister and three other friends over the course of my life have been. My daughters, my sons (men are as vulnerable to rape as women but very, very few report it), my wife (she’s at higher risk because she’s transgender), everyone I love has the potential to be a headline.

Or, far more likely, not make the headline.  

Prevention isn’t about the victim avoiding being victimized. That hasn’t worked in the past, and isn’t working now.

Rape prevention is about people, men as well as women, working to change the conversation. Parents teaching their sons and daughters that only yes means yes. That being drunk doesn’t equal consent. That no does not mean try harder.

Custador, a fellow blogger who writes at Unreasonable Faith ), has made this pledge in order to help do just that . . .

 

I will never condone rape or support rape culture in any way. I will object, loudly, when a rape joke is told. I will not tolerate objectification of women, amongst my male friends or amongst anybody else. I will do my best to be aware of my male (and white, and straight, and middle class) privilege, and to not take advantage of it. If and when I have children, I will try to educate them to critically appraise the media to which they are exposed and be aware of the gender messages within it. I will not spend money on any product, company or media which I am aware of having promoted rape culture or gender disparity, regardless of whether they have done so deliberately.

 

I think most of us, men and women, can get on board with that.

Because I can . . .

 

 

 

The Doctor did it!

 

 

 

He saved us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Thoughts on Coming Out

A spouse’s perspective

 

At the end of March my world changed.

Two words turned my life upside down and set me spinning.

 

 “I’m transgendered.”

 

There was so much heartache in those words,

 so much fear and longing.

Pain at the thought of such a complete rejection.

 A voice teetering on the edge of losing everything.

 

In that moment I had two clear choices:

I could run screaming and

break the fragile heart opening up to me.

Or I could see this as exploring a new aspect

of the person I’ve loved for so long and accept.

 

With either choice my life would change.  

 

A choice between fear and love.

Not everyone would agree with my choice,

but for me, in that moment, the choice was clear.

 

Love won.

 

It was the easiest choice I’ve ever had to make.

 

Love won.

 

In the months since she came out to me,

 we have weathered stresses and storms,

sick children and family who can’t understand.

We have disagreed, worried,

 broken down and held each other up.

We have answered questions, made new friends

and been hurt by those who can’t

come to terms with the changes.

 

We are closer now than we have ever been,

kissing like we did in high school, constantly in contact.

More supportive of each others’ needs,

 more forgiving of their faults.

 

I am so proud of her, proud and honored to be with her,

to take this journey hand in hand.

 

Two words can change the world.

 

Love won.  

A Quick Thank You

Families like mine in Maine, Maryland, Washington and Minnesota

have new protections and rights.

 

Parents can rest easier knowing that their children

won’t be taken from their partners if tragedy strikes.

 

Partners won’t have to fight to see each other in the hospital

 if sick or injured. Can’t be denied health care or life insurance payments

because of who they love.

 

That our country can see that
the LGBTQ community is made up of people.

 

That who you love isn’t the only important thing about you. That it shouldn’t preclude anyone from being treated with equality and respect.

 

To the voters in Maine, Maryland and Washington: Thank you.

Thank you for accepting and including a community
that has been so often denigrated and overlooked.

Thank you for supporting everyone’s right
to marry the person they love, regardless of gender.

 

To the voters in Minnesota: Thank you.

Thank you for standing up for the rights of
your friends, family members, neighbors . . .
For not allowing bullies to use the law
to justify harassment and discrimination.

Thank you for taking the first step toward equality.  

 

Together we are powerful. We can change the world.

 

 And yesterday, in those four states, we did.

All Hallows Eve

Halloween at my house . . .

When I was pregnant with Elroy my due date was Halloween. I was thrilled but since he decided to come just a bit early, I spent the evening tending a newborn and the candy bucket at the door.

The following year we decided to have a 1^st birthday (the ‘see everybody, we all survived the first year’) party.

Easy enough.

Everyone came in costume, broke a piñata full of Halloween candy, and had a grand old time. And while I was prepping for the party I made a decision that has affected how we do things ever since.

 I decided to get pictures of Elroy done in his costume to include with the invitations. 

The pictures came out so cute, and the response I got from everyone was so overwhelming, that the following year I decided to do costumed pictures again, even without the party.

And we’ve done so ever since.

Each kid gets the choice once they start school to do an ‘in costume’ birthday picture or a school picture. We haven’t purchased school pictures yet.

About a month before each birthday I either take the birthday kid to a same day photo place in our mall, or having Granddaddy come to the house and take the pictures (since my dad is an amateur shutter bug, with an eye to potentially making it a real job in the future). Since Bam-Bam’s birthday is earlier in the summer (and less than a month into the school year), and the girls birthday is just after Valentine’s day, I have to be more organized (and creative) with the kids’ costumes.

This year I thought I’d share what my brood will be wearing . . .

 

Elroy

Usually I try to steer the costumes in a ‘let’s not scare your siblings’ direction, but as Elroy is in 3^rd grade (hold on, I may need a moment here), I agreed with his choice of a grim reaper.

 

The boys’ school does a costume parade for Halloween, so for that morning he will be without both his scythe and the mask.

I found the robe for $3.50 at a small thrift store, the hour glass (plain wood) for $2 at a kitchen / home imports store. The skull beads were from a pair of bracelets (2 /$1) at a 99¢ store. I made the belt from some leather laces my sister gave me, and the scythe was a plastic sword (also dollar store) a cardboard wrapping paper tube, some black duct tape and a couple of pipe braces (about $3 each) from a hardware store. The mask we already had. For safety reasons I got him the light up jars ($3 each at Target) to make him more visible after dark.

So . . . a unique reaper costume for under $30 dollars, which is the price of the basic store bought reaper costume at any local retailer.

 

 

Bam-Bam 





This year Bam-Bam threw me a curve ball. I try to reuse the boys’ costumes by dressing Bam-Bam up in the costume that Elroy wore for that age (i.e. Elroy was a pirate for his 3^rd birthday, so Bam-Bam was a pirate for his 3^rd birthday picture). This year Bam-Bam was supposed to be a musketeer. I had the tabard, the boots, the belt, I had the blue hat ready for the feather. I thought I was ahead of the game.

Less than a month to picture time Bam-Bam decides he wants to be puss in boots instead. And not just a cat in boots with a sword . . . the puss in boots from the Shrek movies. *sigh*

I couldn’t find anything to use as a cat suit. Not camel colored sweats, not leggings, not a leotard, not anything. Happily I was able to convince him to wear black dress pants and a collared shirt for his pictures, but it was a near thing.

In the nick of time (less than 2 weeks ago) my mom found a handmade faux fur cat costume at a thrift store. In the right color!  Yay Grandmommy!



The cat costume my mom found (and paid) for $8 at goodwill, the boots I bought 3 years ago (for Elroy’s musketeer costume) and this is, I think, the 4^th costume they’ve been used with. The cape was from Elroy’s centurion costume last year (and near constant dress up since), the belt was from a Narnia play set one of the boys got as a gift a few years back. The sword was part of a zorro kit (came with a black plastic mask the kids immediately broke) from the 99¢ store for (you guessed it) $1.  The only part of the costume I had to manufacture was the hat. I started with a 99¢ store black foam cowboy hat ($1), glued on some red bias tape ($1.50 ish), stuck a yellow ostrich feather ($1 at craft store) through one side and safety pinned a button (already in my craft stuff) on to cover the slits.

Puss in boots costume  . . . Grand total under $5 for the hat and sword, $13 if I include what my mom paid for the cat suit. The only retail puss in boots costume I found started at $35, and looked horrible.

 

Raspberry, Peach and Strawberry   

I shop post holiday clearance for everything, so the girls were relatively easy. I’ve actually had the main pieces of their costume in the closet for the last 2 years. All I had to do was gather up the accessories. The girls actually wear their costumes the Halloween before their birthday (in February), and again for their pictures.

Although I prefer to let the girls pick their own clothes most of the time, they have worn matching Halloween costumes so far. I do hope to have a superhero girls year in the future but haven’t been able to get the costumes on clearance yet . . . 

The dresses and hats came as a set at Costco 2 years ago, once again Grandmommy did the actual purchasing. I made the necklaces for their renaissance princess gowns last year (from buttons). The shoes I got (these are their everyday shoes) at payless over the summer. I hope to get them boots on clearance by their birthday pictures. For trick or treating I’ll put some black leggings under the dresses (for warmth), and for individual birthday pictures I plan to get a dollar store pirate sword as a prop.

Total cost : zero out of pocket for the girls this year.

 

Anybody else have a strategy for Halloween?