Wednesday, December 10

"Tony"

 
 

A while back I found this on Pinterest . . .

I was almost in tears by the end (The 10th Doctor and Rose are my favorites). On a whim, I recently began reading some of the fan fiction out there featuring the pair and this story demanded to be written.

(Warning, spoilers for events in Doomsday and Journeys End)

Inspired by the idea that it was Rose, not Jackie who was pregnant and that Ten was the father. This features Rose and Meta-Crisis Ten,
set after the events of Journeys End.

So, here it is. My first piece of fan fiction.

“Tony”

It only took one look at the dark haired toddler and he knew. She had lied to him, let him believe the child was her mother’s. How her heart must have broken with each false word. Stranded on that beach where his other self couldn’t reach her, when the sun burned out too soon for him to tell her how both of his hearts beat only for her. The betrayal in her eyes when his other self had refused to tell her those words when they returned to that beach. He had done it for her, and to give this self, created with only one beating heart, the chance to heal. To be redeemed.
She looked up at him, nervously brushing her short, blonde hair behind her ear. Watching the face of this new version of the man she had crossed dimensions for. Understanding dawned in his eyes and she dropped her gaze; she was afraid of the anger she felt sure his eyes would hold.
A soft hand caressed her cheek, startling a gasp from between her full lips.
“Oh, Rose. I am so sorry . . . I should have been with you.” That broken whisper in her ear, forced her to meet his sad brown eyes. “Can you forgive me for not seeing the truth sooner?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. Don’t you see why I couldn’t tell you? You would have ripped the universe apart. I couldn’t bear being the cause of that.” Her soft voice trembled as tears filled her dark eyes, her broken heart still aching. There was no point in denying things now. “I waited so long, hoping that somehow My Doctor would come back for me. That we could be a real family . . . When you didn’t come for me,” she paused, visibly pulling herself together. “There was nothing for it. I had to find you. Torchwood was my best bet. I needed you. Our son does too.”
Her hope-filled eyes begged him to understand, to forgive her deception as she had forgiven his other self for leaving her behind. His arms crushed her against him before she was aware that he had moved. Being held in those familiar arms undid her, and the tears she thought had been banished quickly dampened his dark blue jacket. His breath caught as he buried his face in her hair, tightening his embrace and murmuring the soft, loving words that his other self had held back.
She slowly regained her composure, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. Feeling her chin move, he shifted to meet her lips with his own. Long moments of frenzied kisses and whispered reassurances passed before either one stopped for breath.
Still holding Rose against his chest, his glance returned to the child sleeping peacefully on Jackie’s lap.
“So. This is Tony . . .”
 

Hope you enjoyed it - Vixi

 

Thursday, November 27

I just want to say . . .

Thank you.
To those who have stuck with me back when life was challenging in more usual ways;
To those who found my story compelling enough to stay;
To those who have been challenged to think about things in new ways;
To those who are really only here for the sparkly bits;
To everyone who has found something in my words that speaks to them . . . 

Thank you!

Happy Thanksgiving to all.
 May you share time with those you love and support you, 
Have food to share.
And peace, in mind, body and heart.
-Vixi

Sunday, October 12

Unicorn



The woman I love is sleeping. I should be, too.

But this post has been rattling around inside my head 
for such a long time. I have to let it out.

It has been two and a half years since Hunny came out to me and we started on the journey of her transition. It has been beautiful, isolating, freeing, difficult, transformative, terrifying, joyful, bleak, nerve wracking.


And it has been so very worth it.


Some friends have been left behind, not because we didn’t want or need them, but because the changes were too dramatic for their comfort. We have made new friends within the community, helping us to rebuild what others had ripped away. Hunny has found a new community, others who have gone through what she has; those who have shared her struggle.


I have not found the same welcome. 
And I do not ask or presume membership, 
the dues are far too costly and the jacket wouldn’t fit anyway.


I understand many of the reasons why I am held at a distance.
 I am, at once, a representation of the spouse who stayed, and a reminder of the ones who didn’t. By staying with Hunny, by supporting and encouraging her transition, by loving her through everything . . .


I am salt poured into the wounds of those whose 
partners didn’t, or couldn’t.


Conversely, I have had members of the community look at me with such heartbreakingly forlorn hope in their eyes. Eyes that want the kind of love, the kind of life that Hunny and I have together but have already given up hope of ever finding it for themselves.

Eyes that have become resigned to loss and loneliness as the exchange they must make to live authentic lives.


At those times I often feel like an exotic animal on display, 
to be admired from a safe distance. 

To be seen and appreciated but too dangerous to get close to.


The world is often unkind to those who break the mold, and I don’t blame those who have been hurt, who have had to give up everything, for the sadness and anger that they feel when I am around.


Like I said, I do understand.


I still stand with you.


I promise not to bite any fingers that reach into the enclosure.


Sunday, July 27

I Thee Wed . . . Part 2

 
The guests were seated, waiting for the show to begin. As we waited for our cue, Hunny and I turned to each other, both of us realizing that the kids had never practiced their entrances. Elroy led the way, standing where the two aisles converged, waiting to walk both his mothers to the altar. 
 
As the first sets of bridesmaids started walking, the younger kids (Bam-Bam walked with Peach.  Raspberry carried a second ring pillow and walked with Strawberry) forgot their last minute instructions. Alani and Adoree quickly stepped in and each walked with one set. We didn’t want to budget extra for real rose petals (all our flowers were artificial. The venue wouldn’t allow any fake flowers where they might get blown onto the green) so Peach and Strawberry carried baskets with arrangements instead of scattering petals.
 
Finally, it was our turn. Hunny and I walked down the short set of stairs to the grass before separating to each walk down our own aisle. We chose to walk alone (Hunny’s dad is not in her life, my dad wasn’t able to attend, and we’re both adults who choose to give ourselves to each other), meeting together to walk arm in arm with our oldest child for those last few steps.
 
I looked in her eyes as our friend told the story of how our love came to exemplify what is most important. Elroy bound our hands in a handfasting ceremony, tying the cord decorated with pictures of our children,
tokens of the family we had created together.
 
 
Hunny had tears in her eyes while I spoke the vows I had written.

 
And the summer sun was not the only reason my eyeliner ran down
my cheek while she spoke hers. 

 
We exchanged rings, smiling as we repeated our ‘with this ring’s. 
 
And then came the kiss.
 
I dipped her (like in the movies) . . .  Away from the audience.
(In fairness, that was the direction I usually dip her, and I got too swept up in the moment to make sure our friends and family could see us).
 
We walked back triumphantly through the crowd (many of whom forgot to use the bubbles we had provided), and burst into tears in each other’s arms once we got past the last row of chairs.
 
 
 The guests headed inside to enjoy the appetizers and ambiance while we took pictures. Our photographer even managed to get the
picture for our Christmas card this year.
 
 
All photos were taken by our fantastic Photographer Jaymee Lynn.
Here is her website or you can contact her on Facebook.


Sunday, July 6

I thee wed (part one)


So we had our big day.
 
 A year of planning, thousands of dollars invested, headaches and heartaches along the way, drama from family and vendors . . .
 
And when it looked like it would be a disaster,
everything came together into the most amazingly perfect day.
 

 We won’t get the official photos back for about a month (because our photographer is a professional, and my eye liner ran down one cheek so she’ll have to fix every picture) but I couldn’t leave everybody waiting that long.
 
I promise I will share my favorites once I get them.
For now we only have the pictures our friends and family have shared with us.

 
 The big day started with mani – pedis at a crazy busy local nail art salon.
I chose sparkly French tips with crystals for the occasion . . . and not a single picture of them turned out. You’ll just have to wait for the official ones to see them, I guess.
Hunny went a bit bigger with 3D roses and dark purple crystals
to accent her French tips . . .

One of Hunny’s bridesmaids, Dashie, (who we had worried wouldn’t be able to make it) was able to get off work early, met us for lunch (because it was 11:30 by the time our toes were done). She totally came through for us at the last minute.
 After lunch she helped us get our stuff to the hotel, hung out (and kept the mood light) while we got our hair done in our room, followed our taxi
with the stuff we had to bring to the venue.
Dashie was a superstar and totally helped keep things going more smoothly
(and she rocked her purple dress).
 
My sister’s medical procedure ended up being too difficult and painful for her to join us. While we missed her greatly there was no way she could have participated
(in fact, pain killers and sleep were really all she could manage afterward).
 
Once we got to the venue, we had a chance to enjoy all the sweet, thoughtful touches the staff had for us. Hunny’s niece, CareBear, did our makeup (and did great, we were the ones who forgot the waterproof eyeliner). The A/C unit had gone out for the building (including the reception hall), so the staff had ordered
portable industrial units to keep everybody from melting.
 
Adoree and Alani arrived with our children in tow (and got them ready for us while CareBear did our makeup).  Both of our dresses had corset backs, plus we both had amazing corsets on underneath. There was much lacing
(with Dashie the only one who knew how to tighten the corsets),
and neither dress ended up tight enough (we kept pulling the backs up all night).
 
But when it was time to walk  . . . everything was perfect.

Because I was walking to meet Her.
 
 
 
 
(Update on my missing brother: It has been over 3 weeks since he disappeared. Search and Rescue did an exhausting and very thorough, search and other than a few early leads has come up with nothing substantial. It appears that he made his way out of the forest, but that just means he could be anywhere. Here's the post that has all the links for the search.) 

Friday, June 13

One More Week


First off, I’d like to thank all of you who shared the information about my missing brother. As of this afternoon, the search has not turned up anything substantial and the area where he was last has been exhaustively combed. We still have a couple of days with some smaller groups of searchers but the local authorities are working on investigating potential leads outside of the forest.
For continued updates please visit the
I will also post new updates here as we get them.
 Ok . . . *shuffles papers* . . . now onto the meltdown.
So, we are one week away from both
our 10th wedding anniversary and our wedding / vow renewal.
 A few weeks ago my sister (who is also one of my bridesmaids) let us know that due to health complications she may not be able to be in the ceremony,
and possibly unable to attend at all.
This sucks.
She was one of my original bridesmaids, is incredibly open and supportive of both Hunny’s transition and of our relationship, and has been an excited participant at every stage of planning. Her health absolutely comes first, but it will hurt if she isn’t able to be there.
 Since my brother has been missing for a week, it is less and less likely that he will be able to attend. While I am hopeful that my brother will reappear unharmed with an awesome story of his harrowing misadventure, the longer he is gone the greater the likelihood of an extended medical stay.
Not only is this hard because of the worry and fear we are all trying to keep at bay, it also makes it less likely that my parents will be able to attend. I’m fairly sure that they will, rightly, choose to remain in the search area in case there are any other discoveries made. I understand the necessity, unfortunately the search area is about 500 miles from the venue, and it seems unlikely that they will be willing to leave the search for that long.
This does further complicate things for us as my mom was planning to be our childcare from the night before the event until the end of the weekend (so we could have a day or two as a second honeymoon). Happily, Adoree and Alani (my remaining bridesmaids, also from our original wedding) have totally stepped in to make sure the kids get to the venue so that 
Hunny and I can get ready on the big day. My friends are amazing.
 Today, Hunny found out that one of her bridesmaids may not be able to make it due to training at a new job, but our makeup artist may also be working
and so unable to get us ready . . . one week from the event.
 So, we may be down to 2 bridesmaids each; be doing our own makeup (any pointers on false lashes? I have never used them . . .); and most of my immediate family may not show up. And we still aren’t sure how Hunny and I are getting to the venue, we have a limo booked to take us from the reception (cause neither of us will be able to drive in our gowns) but if our childcare is only for the day of than we can’t rely on the hotel’s courtesy shuttle to get us (and much of the wedding stuff) to the venue in the first place as we won’t be going to the hotel. (Our other option is to change out of our gowns at the end of the reception, but this is less than ideal with how the venue’s changing are is part of the bathroom in the reception hall.)
At this point I’m not sure whether to laugh, scream or cry. I’d like to lie down, but the kids are too rowdy (even after playing in the yard), and Hunny has already been crying so I can’t afford to indulge in a meltdown.
We just have to manage to get through one more week . . . somehow.  

Tuesday, June 10

Lost. Please Help!

My youngest brother went hiking alone on Friday and hasn't returned.
 
Search and Rescue is canvasing the area but any information anyone may have will be a huge help.
 
Please pass this on.