Flushed Chapter 5: Dirty Dealings

Flushed

Chapter 5: Dirty Dealings

“Oh, come on!” Jamie’s frustrated exclamation echoed off the tunnel walls as the Bad Wolf’s engine sputtered and died. Running his paws through the dark hair on his head, Jamie searched the hodge podge of controls, hoping for any clues to restart the engine. In his distracted state he didn’t notice the soft swish and splash of Rose’s paddling as she approached the side of her boat.

Rose tied the rubber duck to the stern of the Bad Wolf and snuck aboard. Signaling the mechanical hand, Rose whistled. When Jamie turned, the hand swooped down and lifted him clear of the deck. Rose pointed toward the water and Jamie was unceremoniously dropped overboard.

Jamie bobbed to the surface, sputtering and coughing just in time to hear the engine roar top life and watch the Bad Wolf pull away. “Rose,” he yelled. “Talk to me. I’m sorry. I’m so, sorry!”

___________

Rassilon turned from his contemplation of the candle flame. “Ah, I see you’ve arrived. I have a job for you, Master . . .”

“You only ever call on me when you don’t want to get your webbed fingers dirty. What is it this time? Fancy bauble evade you? Find someone your ridiculous rats can’t intimidate?” At Rassilon’s thunderous expression, the smaller frog laughed. “It’s true then? The great Rassilon, bested by a couple of rats! Oh, it’s too good!”

Rassilon shook his head in denial before taking a deep breath to gather his dignity. “That doesn’t matter, Master. What matters is that that blonde guttersnipe captain of the Bad Wolf stole my cable! And my White Point Star!”

“And what do you expect me to do about it? You lost the girl. Why should I get her for you?”

“I need that cable for the Final Sanction! I will cleanse the sewers of those stinking rodents once and for all. We toads shall once again be the dominant species underground!” Rassilon became increasingly frenzied as he expounded on his plan, spittle flying from his green lips.

“And me? You will keep a place in this new utopia for me and my Tocalfane brethren in exchange for the cable’s return” the Master demanded.

A look of disdain crossed Rassilon’s face before he growled out “You do not make demands of me! Bring me the cable! Bring me the White Point Start! Bring me Rose Tyler and the Doctor! Now, get out!”

The Master giggled as he walked out of the room, a small cadre of frogs silently stepping out of the shadows behind him.

___________

“Ice Cold Rose, Never did I meet a girl who's half so cruel. 

I offered her a jewel,

But she left me stuck. Stranded on a duck.

What a rotten thing to do to Jamie. 

That’s Jamie McCrimmon of Gallifrey.”

Rose flinched at the off key singing coming from behind the boat. Shaking her head, she kept hold of the wheel, determined to ignore the caterwauling behind her.

“Poor, poor Jamie, flushed down his own potty. 

Rose, can't you find it in your heart to help him . . .

How mean could one rat be? 

Ice Cold Rose, won't you be sweeter to me?”

Hiding her smile, Rose glared over her shoulder at Jamie, reclining on the rubber duck, strumming on a guitar fashioned with the spoon and some string fished from the water.

“Was that a smile? It was!” Jamie grinned, trying to meet Rose’s eye over the railing.

Ducking her head, Rose mumbled “It is not.”

“Is too! That’s a smile! Rose Tyler, you smiled! Please let me come back aboard . . . I’m sorry I stole your boat. I’ll do whatever you say the rest of the trip.”

Jamie’s grin fell when he saw the hurt and betrayal on Rose’s face before she spoke. “Why did you take the Bad Wolf? How could you do that to me? You just left me behind. I trusted you. I thought we were . . . I guess I got it wrong.”

Slowly letting out a pained breath, Jamie looked up at Rose. “I heard you and your dad talking to Jake. You were gonna turn me in for the reward money.” His voice rose, his own anger bubbling to the surface until he was standing on the back of the duck, yelling. “And you, Rose Tyler, you gave up on me!”

“That was just Jake being a plonker. No one listens to him. Like I’d really sell you out to Rassilon.” Rose waved dismissively at the idea. Turning to face Jamie, she continued “Come aboard then. We still have to get you home to Gallifrey.” With one last hard stare his direction, Rose turned her attention back to steering calling out “Oi, First Mate! Get below and make us a cuppa. It’s tea time and I want chips!”    

Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3 Chap 4 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9

Flushed Chapter 4: Meeting the Family

Flushed

Chapter 4: Meeting the Family

Jamie, footsore and still slightly damp, followed Rose from the Bad Wolf. She had tied off to a rickety jetty that swayed with every step. Directly ahead a dinghy, worn out roller skate rocked front to back, adding a slight nausea to Jamie’s trepidation about meeting Rose’s family.

Once inside, Rose took Jamie into the kitchen where she introduced him to everyone gathered at the pink plastic dollhouse table.  Rose pointed to an older rat with the same golden fur and wearing a pink track suit. “That’s me mum, Jackie. And there in the full body cast is me dad, Pete.” Easily moving with the rolling of the skate, Rose crossed to the high chair sitting next to Pete. “This little terror is Tony” Rose hid a smile at the look of alarm on Jamie’s face, “my little brother.” Jamie didn’t quite hide his relieved exhale, causing a round of quiet giggling from the group.

Pointing to a medium sized, lanky rat with a tuft of blond hair above his ears, Rose continued “this is Jake. He’s a fence for the Preachers. Dad sells things he finds topside to ‘em sometimes. Over here is Sarah Jane, she investigates any of our contacts so Rassilon and Lumic and the like don’t nab our dosh.” Sarah Jane, a lovely mature rat in red and white stripped dungarees, nodded to Jamie before returning her attention to the group.

As the rest of the table went back to their conversation, Rose and Pete shared a look before disappearing into the den, closing the door behind them. Jamie, a little overwhelmed by all the hustle and bustle, took an empty seat at the table.

“So how’d ya meet our Rose then?” Jackie asked, settling into the chair next to Tony with some mushy peas to feed him. “It’s not often she brings a bloke home, after all.”

Jamie sputtered, quickly trying to explain. “Oh no. I’m not Rose’s bloke. I mean, I am a bloke. And I did come here with Rose. But we’re not together. She’s taking me back to my home topside. It’s just a business arrangement.”

Jackie grinned at Jamie’s discomfort for a moment before narrowing her eyes and leaning threateningly in his direction. “Why do you live topside, Mister? Only pets live topside. I can’t abide the thought of ‘em. Putting on airs and graces, like they’re too good for us common rats. Alone all day, every day, in their fancy cages. Gives me shivers just to think about ‘em.”

Jamie gulped, leaning away from the incensed matriarch while trying to think up a quick escape. “What’s that, Rose” he called over his shoulder before hopping up from the table and edging towards the door Rose and Pete had withdrawn through. “Yep, be right there! Lots to discuss. Maps! And routes and . . . things. So sorry Jackie, must go” Jamie sped through his explanation and broke for the door.

As he reached for the knob, Jamie overheard “But do you even know who this guy is, Rose? Look. Rassilon is looking for him. His name isn’t even Jamie. It says right here, his name’s ‘the Doctor.’ You can’t trust him. So, I say we turn him in to Rassilon and collect the reward money ourselves. It’ll be enough to get us through while you recover, Pete.”

Jamie turned, anger and betrayal flashing in his eyes, before slipping out of the house and back onto the Bad Wolf.

In the den behind him, Rose let out an aggrieved sigh. “Jake, that is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. I’m not gonna turn Jamie over to Rassilon. And we both know, Rassilon won’t actually give anyone any money.”

Pete cut in “I bet he means ‘eternal reward.’ He exterminates anybody he doesn’t like. Rose, what I want to know is if we can trust Jamie.”

Dad, we can trust him. He just wants to go home. And he promised to replace that white point star with a real one.”

“He’s stealing your boat, Rose.”

“Shut up Jake. No, he’s not.”

“He just stole your boat. You gonna go after him?”

“Buggar! That plonker stole my boat! Don’t do anything stupid, Jake! See ya Dad!” Rose ran out of the roller skate, grabbing a spoon for a paddle and hopping onto Tony’s rubber duck, madly trying to catch up to her boat and the unwelcome thief that had taken her.  

Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3 Chap 5 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9

Flushed - Chapter 3: Iced

Flushed

Chapter 3: Iced

The large toad turned, his crimson and gold robes fluttering. “Ah. Miss Tyler. So good to see you again” he intoned as Rose and Jamie were pushed into the room. Sec approached carefully, the clear faceted jewel carefully extended. Placing the diamond on an upturned thimble, he took a moment to appreciate the white point star before turning back to his unwilling audience. Noticing Jamie’s expression of shock, he rumbled “Ah, Sec. I see you’ve brought me another lover of all things Torchwood House. Tell me, my boy, what part of my collection intrigues you so?”

Jamie blinked slowly before approaching the many knick knacks and collectibles displayed. Stopping in front of a shaped Queen Victoria tea mug, Jamie muttered “I don’t know if ‘intrigues’ is the right word.”

The toad inhaled harshly in anger, shouting at the cowering Sec and Thay “You dare insult me by bringing this fool into my presence! Do you think I am a joke? I once reigned as the beloved pet of the crown prince from Torchwood House. I will see you both exterminated for this!”

Sec looked at the floor while pleading “No, Rassilon. We only brought him because he was on the Bad Wolf with Rose. We don’t know who this guy is, but he knew where she hid the diamond.”

Rassilon deflated slightly and turned his stare on Jamie. “Who are you, who dares insult my priceless collection?!”

Jamie, thinking quickly sputtered “No. No, it’s a beautiful collection. Very moving. I mean, this one’s been doctored; its fake . . .”

Rassilon, dignified bearing recovered, asked again for Jamie’s name. Sec quickly jumped in “His name’s the Doctor. I heard him say it” before withdrawing out of Rassilon’s view.

Rose had been quietly waiting for her chance and jumped forward while Thay was distracted, grabbing for the white point star and bumping Jamie in the process. This pushed Jaime into a tin lunchbox featuring the Torchwood logo, knocking it into the neighboring display. Everyone looked on in horror as each piece tipped onto the next until the whole collection had been upended and the Queen Victoria mug lay shattered on the floor.

Rassilon, now the same color as his robes bellowed “Exterminate them! My collection! My beautiful collection! They will die for this! Throw Miss Tyler and the Doctor into the Ice Maker! And someone clean up this mess.” He took one last look at the remains of his prized collection and stormed out, leaving Sec and Thay to wrestle their victims under the jar of an overturned blender. A thick black hose had been run from an ice machine and taped into the base of the blender jar where the blades had been removed.

While Jamie panicked, repeatedly begging to be let out, Rose set to work climbing into the top of the jar and kicking the hose free. She shimmied out of the blender, grabbing the hose and freezing Sec and Thay before pulling Jamie to freedom. She pushed him toward the exit, snatching the white point star and grabbing a cable off a control panel as she ran by.  Jamie followed her closely as they scaled overhanging pipes. Rose flung one end of the cable over a small pipe that headed back into the main sewer, grabbed the other end and jumped, zipping away from Rassilon’s lair. At the last moment, Jamie leaped after her, gripping her legs tight and pulling Rose’s jeans down in the process.

Once they had landed, Rose pulled the cable around her hips as a makeshift belt before turning exasperated eyes to Jamie. “You plonker! You sold me out! And then you went and showed me knickers to all and sundry! I can’t believe you!”

Jamie was captivated. This beautiful, angry rat had saved him. “How did you do that?” He was awestruck, and realized he quite fancied how her eyes sparked when she was cross.

“Oh, that? Jericho Street Under Sevens Gymnastic Tournament. I got the bronze.” Rose pulled the white point star out of her pocket with a relieved laugh. “Here’s this back then. This’ll take care of everyone while Dad gets better.”

“You know that’s a fake” Jamie interjected. At Rose’s look of disbelief, he grabbed the gem from her hand and smashed it on the wall beside them. “If it was real, it wouldn’t have broken . . .” Jamie’s rambled explanation tapered off when he heard Rose sob. He watched her trying to gather the fragments from the ground in despair.

“Oh no. But that’s ok. I know where there are real ones.” At the look of hope Rose sent his way, Jamie continued quickly “Diamonds, sapphires, rubies. All sorts of gems. All real, too. You can pick one, a bigger one. You just have to take me back to Gallifrey.”

Drawing a calming breath, Rose closed her eyes for a moment. “So, if I take you home, you’ll give me a jewel, even better than the white point star? No funny business now.” At his enthusiastic nod, Rose shook her finger in warning and then smiled, the tip of her tongue curled around her teeth. Jamie felt as though he might fall over having the force of that smile turned on him.

Laughing at the dazed expression on Jamie’s face, Rose grabbed his paw and started leading him back to the dock. “Well, come on then. Back to the Bad Wolf. If you want to go topside, I need to get some maps. Oh, my mum is gonna slap you . . .”  

Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 4 Chap 5 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9

Flushed - Chapter 2: A New World

Ok, so here's chapter 2 of my Doctor Who/ Flushed Away mash-up. 

Flushed

A New World

Jamie coughed as he picked himself up off the cement. Still dripping and dizzy from his unexpected ride through the pipes, Jamie ran his paw through the soaked hair between his ears, pushing it back into tousled spikes. Following an echo down the tunnel he landed in, Jamie turned a corner and looked at his surroundings for the first time.

The sewer junction had been built into a miniature version of Piccadilly Square. Rats of all ages, sizes and colors shopped, worked, and lived their lives in the teeming metropolis under London’s streets. Boats made from discarded bottles and cans propelled by paddle wheels, egg beaters, and old fan blade propellers crossed the water way as rats hurried about their business. Jamie had never seen so many rats in one place before. Even before he had come to live with Reinette’s family, the pet store rarely had more than a dozen rats at one time.

Jamie was so entranced by the sight before him that he didn’t notice the food cart in his path until he collided with a tall, handsome rat with blue eyes, well groomed dark hair on his head and a long, grey military coat. 

“Careful friend, you’re pretty hot but my grill is hotter. Captain Jack Harkness, what’s your pleasure?”

Jamie jumped in surprise and embarrassment before tugging on his ear and asking for directions back topside.

“You don’t want to do that, Gorgeous” the Captain warned, “They don’t like our kind up there.”

“They like me up there just fine. I have a home and a little girl who will be heartbroken without me” Jamie responded angrily.

“Ok. Ok, I’m sure they do. I can only think of one captain brave enough to even try to take you topside. Go to the dock and look for the Bad Wolf” Jack had leaned forward across the grill while he was talking and Jamie jerked back when he noticed how close the Captain had gotten.

With a quick salute, Jamie followed Jack’s directions and headed toward the dock. As he walked away a small voice cried out: ”Don’t go, she’s crazy!” This was immediately followed by Jack’s voice loudly whispering “Hush Ianto. Silly fish.”

___________

After a brief run in with a rat wearing a sandwich board yelling that the royal family were werewolves, Jamie finally made it to the docks. He hadn’t gone far when he spotted the Bad Wolf. She was a fairly small vessel, made from an old metal washtub with half a tire tread making up the stern. Jamie couldn’t see anyone moving around above deck, so he climbed aboard calling out as he did.

As he explored, Jamie couldn’t help but feel as though he was being followed but didn’t see anyone when he turned to look. He felt a tap on his shoulder before being grabbed and lifted into the air by a large mechanical hand and dangled over the side of the boat.

Golden fur and amused brown eyes met his as a lovely rat wearing jeans and a Union Jack shirt climbed aboard the Bad Wolf.

“I said: who are you, and what are you doin’ on my ship” she repeated. Jamie had been so taken aback by her appearance that he had forgotten what he had planned to say entirely. At a motion from the blonde, the hand gently set Jamie back on the deck.

“My name is Jamie; James McCrimmon. I was looking for the Bad Wolf” he finally managed to reply, brushing off his still damp suit as he did. “Captain Jack Harkness said this was the only boat that could take me topside. I need to get home to Gallifrey; that’s my house in Kensington. It’s very important that I get back . . . “

“Well you found the Bad Wolf, Mate. I’m Rose. This is my boat. I don’t like having strangers make themselves at home without my permission. You can find a different captain, I can’t take you topside right now, I’m a bit busy.” As she turned, unhooked the ropes holding the boat to the dock and walked toward the wheel, Jamie stared in shock. With dawning horror, he realized that she was preparing to leave. He had to convince her to take him home!

Rose had started the engine, looking pointedly from Jamie to the dock with an annoyed expression when two rats jumped from electric mixers onto the deck, glaring menacingly.

“Thought you’d get away, didn’t ya Rose” the smaller rat taunted. His dark grey suit had black dots running down the legs and a shiny blue button pinned to his pocket. “Stealin’ from Rassilon wasn’t very smart, now was it?”

“Your boss stole it from me first! My dad broke every bone in his body to get that white point star” Rose yelled. Taking a breath and coming to stand in front of Jamie, she continued more calmly. “And it don’t matter anyway. It’s gone. Rassilon can’t have it ‘cause I don’t have it anymore.”

The smaller rat yelled to his large, albino counterpart “Grab her Thay. Rassilon is gonna wanna . . . talk to her.” As Rose struggled to free herself from Thay’s grip, Jamie noticed a bulge in her back pocket.

Figuring that he could at least get himself out of the mess he’d found himself in, Jamie called out “Did you notice her bum?”  Thay turned an offended eye on Jamie, while Rose glared daggers and shook her head in the hopes that he would stop speaking. The rat in the dark suit seemed to notice Jamie for the first time, turning to loom threateningly “Thay, turn her around” he shouted, still glaring at Jamie.

“But Sec,” Thay started “it’s not good manners to talk about someone’s bum. Not in front of them at least. What would your mother say!”

“Just do it” Sec yelled, staring hard at his cohort.  Thay lifted the still struggling Rose off her feet, turning her toward his broad chest, revealing the cut edge of a large white diamond peeking out of her back pocket. “Oh, you shouldn’t have tried to hide that from us, Rose” Sec gloated. Rassilon is gonna exterminate you for that.” Thay turned Rose upside down, shaking her until the gem fell from her pocket and threw her over his shoulder.

Glancing back at Jamie he asked “What do you want to do with him, Sec?” Hearing Sec tell him to “bring him along, too” Thay grabbed Jamie and threw him over his other shoulder before following Sec off the boat.

Chap 1 Chap 3 Chap 4 Chap 5 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9

Flushed - Chapter 1: Home Alone

Ok, so I know I promised something other than fanfiction . . . I have been putting off writing this one for over a year, but it finally wouldn't let me ignore it any longer. This is the first time in years I've ever attempted a multi-chapter story,but here's the first chapter of my Flushed Away/ Doctor Who fusion . . .

Flushed 

Chapter 1: Home Alone

The little girl leaned over the ornate gold cage. “Goodbye Jamie. We’ll be back in just a few days. Here’s some extra food, so you won’t be hungry.” As she spoke, the child poured out a pile of dry food pellets into the middle of the cage, shaking the box until the pile took up most of the cage floor.

“Reinette, don’t overfeed him. We’re only going to be gone a couple days. Now, hurry up. We need to go or we’ll be late for our tour of Versailles.”

The young girl closed the cage door and walked out of the room, pausing in the doorway to wave goodbye one last time. “I’ll miss you, my Angel” she whispered.

Once the house was quiet Jamie emerged, opening his cage door from the inside and stepping out into the expanse of the empty house. He ran a paw through the patch of dark brown fur on top of his head, causing it to stick up like a rooster comb. 

“Right, first a visit to the wardrobe, I think . . .”

Jamie talked to himself while he rummaged through the closet of doll clothes, glad his slim build allowed him to wear so many of the available options. “Oh, black leather jacket. I like it but I don’t think it’s really me anymore. Coat of many colors? Too much, I think. Tuxedo? Unlucky. No ta. Oh! Perfect!”

__________

Jamie, now dressed in a stylish brown pinstripe suit and blue oxford shirt, had wandered into the kitchen gathering snacks for his movie marathon when he heard a loud crash from the hall. His ears twitched as he nervously crept into the media room to investigate. 

On the large white sofa sat a dark furred rat, yelling at the footie match playing on the giant screen. He was dressed in old, dark jeans, a football jersey under a grey hoodie. Noticing Jamie, he shouted “Who’s this then? Whatcha doin’ here, Mate?” He snorted, waving a puffed cheese snack toward Jamie. “What are you, the butler” he laughed. “Name’s Mickey, and this is my house now. You gotta problem with that?” 

Looking Jamie up and down, he shook his head dismissively and turned back to the game. “What’s your name, Mate?” he called back over his shoulder, eyes firmly fixed to the action on the screen.  

“What? What? What? How? Who?” Jamie sputtered for a long moment before claiming a place on the sofa himself.” Holding out a paw to Mickey, he introduced himself “James McCrimmon of Gallifrey. Jamie.” 

Mickey laughed, slapping a dusty orange snack into Jamie’s open paw, before returning his attention to the game. “You like Footie, Jamie? Big match this weekend. England is playing Spain for the World Cup. And I‘m gonna to watch the whole thing. Here. On this big telly, on this comfy couch, in this big old house. And you are not gonna give me any problems about it, are ya mate? ‘Cause like I said, this is my house now.”

Jamie, deciding that a little subterfuge was in order to defend his home from his unwanted guest, offered to show Mickey the amenities, including the ‘whirlpool tub.’ Leading Mickey into the master bathroom, Jamie nodded to the water calmly waiting in the toilet bowl “If you’ll just get in, I’ll push this lever and start the bubbles.”

“So you want me to jump in there so you can flush me,” Mickey turned and pushed Jamie into the water. Not happenin’ mate. Let’s see how you like being flushed” he yelled as he pushed the lever, leaving Jamie begging and panicked as the water pulled him into the pipes and away from everything he had ever known. 

Chap 2 Chap 3 Chap 4 Chap 5 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9